A little hungry today to be honest

Day 3... my hardest day. I know when I break through this day three barrier I will keep on going. I am not going to stop. To be honest. I got on the scale today and have gone from 146lbs to 143 since I began. Not bad. I am sure a lot of it is water weight and my body being able to digest easier without the overload of sugar and bad carbs. Still very encouraging, but also one of the reasons that I always stop on day three. I think it is because I feel thinner and figure maybe I don't need to do anymore. But the fact of the matter is that I want to be my best and I know I am not there yet. I added some pictures. The first two are from today. I did my hair and makeup for the distinct reason that I hate when people put their before pictures up looking like crap and their after picture they are all done up. I want you all to see the real transformation. The other two pictures are from 4 months ago before I was going to start a different workout program that didn't really work. As you can see I have lost a little weight in the four months. But my goal is to actually fit my butt in the bottoms of my swimsuit so I don't have saddle bags hanging out. I am 6 months postpartum in these pictures. The experts say that it takes 9 months to put the weight on for the baby and to expect 9 months to take it off. Therefore, I have three months remaining to be back to my normal self.

I do not feel like I am overweight or fat. So, just in case anybody who may read this and say you really don't look bad for being a mom of two... Let me just say. I am not trying to be a supermodel. I am simply trying to be the best I can be. I know that I need to lead a life of moderation in all areas of my life. Food is one of those areas. I want to be on fire for God and doing the plans He has set out and planned for me to do. I do not feel I can be a success until I move past my sin and truly let go of not feeling pretty. And when I say I will succeed... I mean Christ will succeed through me. For I am nothing without my Savior.

I am going to the mall today to try on some size 6 clothes... that is my goal. Size 6. My husband said if I reach my goal I can have $600 for new clothes when we get our tax return. Oh, and Salsa lessons. Yes, my fabulos husband will take dance lessons with me. That is definitely motivation for me. If you look in my closet I have about 6 shirts that I wear. A bunch of jeans that don't fit well because they are pre-baby. To be honest, I don't know if a size 6 is even possible after my hips have widened... but I can just put my best effort forward and I know that I will be happy either way.

Eat to live or live o eat??

My first day without chocolate.. not too bad. I feel skinnier already. Haha. Maybe not so much but maybe a little hungry. I am actually really excited to finally be doing this. I really am set on being one of the rare success stories. I looked at this picture I took a couple months ago when I was going to start a program with my husband and I can't believe how horrible I looked. I hope I have improved a little from there. That picture was taken at 2.5 months postpartum. Now that I am 6 months postpartum I will take another picture. I will post the pictures here soon.

I was telling my husband yesterday about needing to post a picture, but how I wanted to look as nice as I could because I hate when people have their before photos and look like crap and their after pictures are all done up. Of course you look better. I want you to see me as I am and see how sticking with a goal can really transform your life. Granted... I am only on day 2, but I will speak in confidence that I will achieve my goal.

Day 3 always seems the hardest for me. I always crash on day 3. But not tomorrow. You will see. I will stick to my no chocolate, my goal bowl, and my protein shake. I will exercise and continue on becoming better than the day before. My husband started working out again. Poor guy... trying to gain weight. I can't stand people like that. Okay, maybe I can since both my husband and best friend are like that. Really. It seems like all of my great friends have been junk food junkies and never put on a pound. Maybe it is because I want to be like them or I thought if I was around them their skinniness would wear off on me.

However, they do something that I don't do, that I think all healthy thin people are naturally good at. They eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. I have no understanding of what full or hungry is. I eat food whenever it is around and it looks good. My husband rarely goes for seconds, turns down dessert all the time, and will get home from work and say he forgot to eat all day. How do you forget to eat? My mind can't even wrap itself around that concept. My husband always said the difference between him and myself was that I live to eat and he eats to live. My goal is to change that and I am going to.

Trading Chocolate for Sex

So it begins... this journey of mine, trading a love for my love. I love chocolate, sweets, and pretty much food in general. It is something I do when I am happy, sad, bored... or in the mood. It is something that gets in the way of me being all I know that God has for me. Food is keeping me from being my best because I don't have an off switch. I become obsessed with what I eat, don't eat, and how I am going to overcome. I have read all the books and decided this time around I will write my own plan. So here I go..a little about me...

I have absolutely no willpower when it comes to food. If it is there... I want it. I am the chick at the party that is always wondering... "I wonder when we are going to eat..." or "I wonder if there will be dessert." But this is the deal. I am done being bigger than I want to be. I am done not having the confidence to be the sex partner I want to be for my fabulous husband. Sure he loves me as I am... but I know I could be better and because of this knowledge... I know I want to give him the best. I want to be the hot babe he married. Actually I want to be hotter than the girl he married. I don't have any particular person in mind when I say this, but have you seen the women who seem to just keep getting better and better with age. I would say they are rare... but when you see them you think... dang, she must be doing something right. I think she is having great sex. Maybe I am wrong. And truly, there is probably more to it than just that. However, I think it is part of the pretty picture she has painted for herself.

I also believe the only way my habits are truly going to change is to give it to God. I have done this before to no avail on my own part... but I know God cares about me... and I know he understands I will suffer through the trying period of overcoming my sugar addiction. But this time I will rest in knowing that He too suffered. And as I suffer in this very small way to better myself to become more the woman He has always desired me to become... He will remain by my side and be cheering me on. It may come in the form of praises from my husband, random comments on my blog, encouragement from friends, etc... but it will be God's voice that gets me through and overcomes this particular area of sin in my life.

The reason I know this food addiction is a sin... is for the simple reason that I always feel entangled and choked by it. Anything that has that affect cannot be good for a person.

I have a few ideas how I am going to tackle this feat... God at the forefront, this writing thing as a place to vent, my husband as accountability, my goals and dreams as something to strive towards and smart planning to prepare myself to avoid and conquer all temptations.

I have carefully planned a months worth of menus. I am going grocery shopping for only the things needed to make the meals to prepare for my family. I have what I like to call a "goal bowl" that I will fill three times daily with the appropriate amount of healthy food in the right proportions. Along with one protein drink and some fruit. There will be no chocolate or sweets in the house. I will not volunteer to bring cookies for any occasion... because I cannot resist licking the bowl. So, if you have cake or cookies... keep them away from me. I don't want them... in fact... I don't think I even like them anymore. Yes, that is what I am going to convince myself on this journey. I don't even like all that gross food anymore. I am trading my old, worn out taste buds for new ones and I am going to train them right this time around. Throw out the white stuff, replace it with a colorful array of foods to keep my body fresh, smooth, and healthy.

So, come on, join with me as you watch me battle this struggle to its death.