Discipline

"People who accept correction are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore it will lead others astray." Proverbs 10:17 I know this will probably sound real weird, but sometimes I wish I still had a parent or somebody that would discipline me... Give me a good spank on the bottom every time I lost my self-control. All the things I teach my kids every day. I am just as bad at controling myself. Alright, maybe not just as bad, but I could still use some correction here and there that is for certain. I really think the verse above is an eye-opener for me. I think God gently and daily tries to correct my bad food habits. There are a hundreds of little things that happen each day that tell me to keep God first and have some self control over my actions, but I often shove them aside and continue on my way. One example of this is a verse I have on the fridge to remind me to have self-control. I often hit the verse just right that it falls off of the fridge and I have to pick it up. I think it is God's way of being like, "Hello... read my Word... I am trying to speak to you!" I so often put on my deaf ears and quickly put the verse back on and go on my merry way of eating that in the end does not make me feel so merry. How can it be that two seconds before I eat I feel like it can fix everything and a moment after I have the regret but will forget the regret part until the next time I eat. I am circling around thoughts in my brain and know that I must remember discipline just as I remind my 2 year old daughter daily. I also must remember how patient God is being with me when I often get short-tempered with Zoey. The best thing I can do for all my family is to accept correction and be an example to my children and a woman of God who makes my husband super proud!

My sister is Crazy... but hey... I will try it..

Here it is, my sister has been doing some research and I have joined her crazy bandwagon. I obviously started this blog as a place to hold me accountable to the goal of looking and feeling better for myself and those around me. I want to be as healthy as I can be so I can focus on more important things in life. I want my lifestyle to flow so easily and be so healthy that others come to me seeking advice. What are these crazy ideas. Apple Cider Vinegar three times daily with water. I looked it up. There are crazy amounts of health benefits from the organic Apple Cider Vinegar. Nasty, but could be worth it. I am willing to try anything that claims to do as much for such a cheap price. Go ahead, I challenge you to do a yahoo search on the health benefits of apple cider. The other thing I am going to begin incorporating into my diet is Cinnamon Flax Oil. I knew flax oil was good for me and use flax on top of my cereals and stuff at times but I decided to try the oil and add it to my protein shakes in the morning along with 1/2 cup of oatmeal. I need for substance for breakfast. Something that won't leave me starving by lunch.

Breakfast:
Water
Protein shake with 1/2 c. oatmeal and 2 TBSP Flax Oil
Vitamin and Cup of Water with ACV
Tea

1st Goal Bowl
Glass of Water with ACV
Protein Water

2nd Goal Bowl

3rd Goal Bowl
Water and ACV

I am so excited to become my personal best!

Getting up after a fall is hard

I still struggled today finding my motivation. I know my plan will work. It seems at times it is easy to lose sight of the goal. Or perhaps it seems like I will never truly get there. There are so many enticing things along the way to get you sidetracked. I guess it is just like any sin out there. The Bible talks about the narrow path that few will find and follow. I suppose right now I am like the many that choose the wide path of food, addiction, and being overweight... I don't know. I just know I need to get my butt in gear. It is harder when Greg is gone. He is great accountability... and relief from a day with the children. I can get so uptight with them sometimes if I don't get my time to myself. My escape is food... But really I don't even enjoy it when I eat it in the stressful situation... I think I will but I don't at all and I feel sick, bloated and disappointed that I even wasted the calories. I guess that is what I have to remember. Sometimes I think it scares me that I will never be able to just eat whatever again... but I don't think I would really want it when I am in the place I dream of being. I am going to keep on striving and I am going to make it.

My stumbling block... the chocolate chip cookie

There it was, staring me in the face three days ago... An Otis Spunkmeir cookie. I let my daughter have one and there was an extra and it sat in my kitchen and I kept passing it and wanting it. I eventually threw it away so it wouldn't tease me any longer, but to be frank... even after it was in the garbage I couldn't get the chocolate chip cookie off my mind. Two days later I caved into my craving and bought a new chocolate chip cookie.

Alright, so I will be truthful... These last three days have been hard. I scraped through day five and six... just barely... and today I ate... and now I feel sick. This is what I decided and I know I have read it 100 times. You need to allow yourself some slack at times. So... instead of giving up and gourging myself in pity and shame. I am going to be a little more specific in my made-up program. Six days a week I will keep to my shake and fruit in the morning, three goal bowls, and tea for snacks. I also found some low-calorie protein drinks to add to my water to stave off hunger pains. One day a week I will maintain my daily schedule, except... one meal I may have whatever I want and as much as I want.

I need a day to look forward to. If I am going to do this for the rest of my life. That is my goal. I truly want to change my lifestyle, then I need to make it reasonable. This will help to plan ahead and know that there is something yummy and scrumptious in my near future. Knowing this will prevent me in caving in for a small cookie that catches my attention. I want to make my treat days very special and I don't want to just settle for any old thing to satisfy my hunger. I guess that is the fun part about writing your own program. You get to tweak it as you go. I really enjoy writing on this blog and I think it helps to encourage me on.

My husband also encourages me. Yesterday he was so proud when he was talking about me at work to his co-workers. I know today would have made him sad, but I also know that me keeping at it will make him proud all over again. I want to be a good example for my family. I am going to keep on going. I will not give up. I will accomplish my goals.

I feel GREAT today!!

Today was a great day. It was Labor Day and some friends and my family went to the Outlet Malls. I got a nice work out outfit and a couple new shirts. For some reason new clothes always make you feel good... especially when you get awesome deals on them. But the thing that felt really great was clothes fitting better already. My stomach is flatter...and... I just feel better. I don't feel full, I don't feel bloated, and I don't feel controlled by food. We went into Dairy Queen for a snack and I opted for a Diet Coke instead of actually eating. And the thing is... I felt totally fine doing so and my hunger was near what it was yesterday. Maybe my stomach is actually shrinking. I don't know if it is but I sure am excited.

I have a bunch of events to keep me motivated. Greg is leaving for 5 days for a short TDY...that part is not good but it makes me want to do my best so he will see progress even in that short amount of time. I also set a family picture appointment for two weeks from this past Saturday. So, of course I would like to be feeling good for that too.

I really feel God blessed and helped me out today. The friends we went with also mentioned that they were working on losing some weight. They actually opted to go back to their place to have a steak salad instead of eating out. That took all temptation away and I even chose the light salad dressing... and loved it. I will have to go out and buy some the next time I go shopping. Very tasty.

The actual week starts tomorrow and it is my prayer that it will be non-stressful with the kids. They have been sick and a little on the clingy, whiney side. I pray for patience and the ability to not turn to food for distraction. Really, I want my focus to be even more on my kids than it has been. I want to truly see inside what is happening in their little lives. I want to understand their wants and desires. So often I think of how little Zoey's issues seem, but I know deep down... she just wants to learn more about the world, what I am doing, and who she is. I love my kids. I am so blessed to be a mother. I often get worked up over the fact that we don't have all the nicest things... I definitely don't have the best wardrobe... and days aren't always fun when you have crabby kids at the fun outlet stores that you want to just shop, try on things, and enjoy... those things just aren't always possible... but it is okay... this is just a brief time in our lives that I want to learn to enjoy more than I do. Because, I do enjoy it, but I also miss the time with my husband, the time by myself, and the ability to spend money without worrying about the future of my kids. But how great it will be to leave our children with more because we lived with less now. Until tomorrow...

A little hungry today to be honest

Day 3... my hardest day. I know when I break through this day three barrier I will keep on going. I am not going to stop. To be honest. I got on the scale today and have gone from 146lbs to 143 since I began. Not bad. I am sure a lot of it is water weight and my body being able to digest easier without the overload of sugar and bad carbs. Still very encouraging, but also one of the reasons that I always stop on day three. I think it is because I feel thinner and figure maybe I don't need to do anymore. But the fact of the matter is that I want to be my best and I know I am not there yet. I added some pictures. The first two are from today. I did my hair and makeup for the distinct reason that I hate when people put their before pictures up looking like crap and their after picture they are all done up. I want you all to see the real transformation. The other two pictures are from 4 months ago before I was going to start a different workout program that didn't really work. As you can see I have lost a little weight in the four months. But my goal is to actually fit my butt in the bottoms of my swimsuit so I don't have saddle bags hanging out. I am 6 months postpartum in these pictures. The experts say that it takes 9 months to put the weight on for the baby and to expect 9 months to take it off. Therefore, I have three months remaining to be back to my normal self.

I do not feel like I am overweight or fat. So, just in case anybody who may read this and say you really don't look bad for being a mom of two... Let me just say. I am not trying to be a supermodel. I am simply trying to be the best I can be. I know that I need to lead a life of moderation in all areas of my life. Food is one of those areas. I want to be on fire for God and doing the plans He has set out and planned for me to do. I do not feel I can be a success until I move past my sin and truly let go of not feeling pretty. And when I say I will succeed... I mean Christ will succeed through me. For I am nothing without my Savior.

I am going to the mall today to try on some size 6 clothes... that is my goal. Size 6. My husband said if I reach my goal I can have $600 for new clothes when we get our tax return. Oh, and Salsa lessons. Yes, my fabulos husband will take dance lessons with me. That is definitely motivation for me. If you look in my closet I have about 6 shirts that I wear. A bunch of jeans that don't fit well because they are pre-baby. To be honest, I don't know if a size 6 is even possible after my hips have widened... but I can just put my best effort forward and I know that I will be happy either way.

Eat to live or live o eat??

My first day without chocolate.. not too bad. I feel skinnier already. Haha. Maybe not so much but maybe a little hungry. I am actually really excited to finally be doing this. I really am set on being one of the rare success stories. I looked at this picture I took a couple months ago when I was going to start a program with my husband and I can't believe how horrible I looked. I hope I have improved a little from there. That picture was taken at 2.5 months postpartum. Now that I am 6 months postpartum I will take another picture. I will post the pictures here soon.

I was telling my husband yesterday about needing to post a picture, but how I wanted to look as nice as I could because I hate when people have their before photos and look like crap and their after pictures are all done up. Of course you look better. I want you to see me as I am and see how sticking with a goal can really transform your life. Granted... I am only on day 2, but I will speak in confidence that I will achieve my goal.

Day 3 always seems the hardest for me. I always crash on day 3. But not tomorrow. You will see. I will stick to my no chocolate, my goal bowl, and my protein shake. I will exercise and continue on becoming better than the day before. My husband started working out again. Poor guy... trying to gain weight. I can't stand people like that. Okay, maybe I can since both my husband and best friend are like that. Really. It seems like all of my great friends have been junk food junkies and never put on a pound. Maybe it is because I want to be like them or I thought if I was around them their skinniness would wear off on me.

However, they do something that I don't do, that I think all healthy thin people are naturally good at. They eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. I have no understanding of what full or hungry is. I eat food whenever it is around and it looks good. My husband rarely goes for seconds, turns down dessert all the time, and will get home from work and say he forgot to eat all day. How do you forget to eat? My mind can't even wrap itself around that concept. My husband always said the difference between him and myself was that I live to eat and he eats to live. My goal is to change that and I am going to.

Trading Chocolate for Sex

So it begins... this journey of mine, trading a love for my love. I love chocolate, sweets, and pretty much food in general. It is something I do when I am happy, sad, bored... or in the mood. It is something that gets in the way of me being all I know that God has for me. Food is keeping me from being my best because I don't have an off switch. I become obsessed with what I eat, don't eat, and how I am going to overcome. I have read all the books and decided this time around I will write my own plan. So here I go..a little about me...

I have absolutely no willpower when it comes to food. If it is there... I want it. I am the chick at the party that is always wondering... "I wonder when we are going to eat..." or "I wonder if there will be dessert." But this is the deal. I am done being bigger than I want to be. I am done not having the confidence to be the sex partner I want to be for my fabulous husband. Sure he loves me as I am... but I know I could be better and because of this knowledge... I know I want to give him the best. I want to be the hot babe he married. Actually I want to be hotter than the girl he married. I don't have any particular person in mind when I say this, but have you seen the women who seem to just keep getting better and better with age. I would say they are rare... but when you see them you think... dang, she must be doing something right. I think she is having great sex. Maybe I am wrong. And truly, there is probably more to it than just that. However, I think it is part of the pretty picture she has painted for herself.

I also believe the only way my habits are truly going to change is to give it to God. I have done this before to no avail on my own part... but I know God cares about me... and I know he understands I will suffer through the trying period of overcoming my sugar addiction. But this time I will rest in knowing that He too suffered. And as I suffer in this very small way to better myself to become more the woman He has always desired me to become... He will remain by my side and be cheering me on. It may come in the form of praises from my husband, random comments on my blog, encouragement from friends, etc... but it will be God's voice that gets me through and overcomes this particular area of sin in my life.

The reason I know this food addiction is a sin... is for the simple reason that I always feel entangled and choked by it. Anything that has that affect cannot be good for a person.

I have a few ideas how I am going to tackle this feat... God at the forefront, this writing thing as a place to vent, my husband as accountability, my goals and dreams as something to strive towards and smart planning to prepare myself to avoid and conquer all temptations.

I have carefully planned a months worth of menus. I am going grocery shopping for only the things needed to make the meals to prepare for my family. I have what I like to call a "goal bowl" that I will fill three times daily with the appropriate amount of healthy food in the right proportions. Along with one protein drink and some fruit. There will be no chocolate or sweets in the house. I will not volunteer to bring cookies for any occasion... because I cannot resist licking the bowl. So, if you have cake or cookies... keep them away from me. I don't want them... in fact... I don't think I even like them anymore. Yes, that is what I am going to convince myself on this journey. I don't even like all that gross food anymore. I am trading my old, worn out taste buds for new ones and I am going to train them right this time around. Throw out the white stuff, replace it with a colorful array of foods to keep my body fresh, smooth, and healthy.

So, come on, join with me as you watch me battle this struggle to its death.